To the Protege: Until the Laughing Stops

You know how Facebook is. Someone hears or sees something they like, they post it on their page, someone else picks up on it, and before you know it the thing moves around the globe. Cats playing a piano. Money-saving tricks. Political protests. Things that make you go, "Hmmmmmm...."

A friend of mine sent one of those meme-like sayings that make you go "Hmmmmm..." The other day, this nugget attributed to Gabrielle Roth, went something like this: "In many shamanistic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of an illness of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask you on of four questions: "When did you stop dancing, singing, or being enchanted by stories or when did you find you lost comfort in the sweet territory of silence?

Instinctively, my thoughts went to another question that seemed to me to be the most important: "When did you cease laughing?"

Not being a part of the shamanistic tradition, nor interested in marshaling a critique against what may be ancient wisdom, my instinctive sense was that the shaman’s line of inquiry was incomplete. As someone who sits with emerging leaders and seasoned executives, hour after hour, month after month, I'm aware of that peculiar moment in careers, workplace life, the family vacation, and other ordinary experiences when things cease to be funny anymore.

You see, there are a lot of things that just don't matter to us. People all around us may be undergoing incredible celebrations or excruciating difficulties, but if these do not encroach upon our comfort zone, it's easy to keep our wits about ourselves, to keep living. But some experiences, some interruptions, are personal and it's when these moments emerge, we may stop laughing. We may get very, very, very serious indeed.

I sat with an emerging leader today who took pains to describe several competing demands in his life, several difficulties and obstacles in his path to satisfaction, several patterns that aggravate his life and well being. His concern was caught between his need for more income and possibly new work, little time with his spouse, necessary compromises in his studies, which in turn may impact his grades, and little time for exercise. He outlined the contours of his very full life, but then I asked: “Can you remember a moment when you laugh deeply in the last 7 to 10 days?" It was then that he smiled, and then giggled. In seconds, he was recalling a practical joke he and a friend had pulled off on another of their companions. He told of breathless laughter as he and the other practical joker laid on the floor enjoying the fun they had at their buddy’s expense. The laughter was fresh all over again. Then he said, "I had not laughed like that in a couple of years… I really needed that."

Friends, the presence of the laughter means something, just like the absence of laughter means something. So what does it mean when we are laughing? And what does it mean when we have ceased to laugh? And why might this matter to the development of an emerging leader, why might it matter to the mentoring relationship?

Laughter is social. Research on laughter suggests most people do not laugh when they are alone. This is not because they ceased to have a sense of humor, but that laughter, by its very nature, is an invitation for others to participate in celebration or seeing the world a particular way. Laughter is like a call that invites a response. Try to catch yourself in the act of laughing when alone. When this occurs, isn't it true that something in you wants to look to the left and right, to see if anybody else will join you? Do you find that you repeat some of the stories of your day where things did not turn out as expected, when things had a surprising turn, where things had a "punch line" embedded in them, or because you want to invite others into that same experience? Laughter is social.

Laughter is contagious. Have you ever been in a foul mood or somewhat neutral state of mind and overheard someone nearby laughing? Does it make you curious? Does it make you want to draw near to them? Does it betray how unprepared you might be to let go of your sullen mood, your anger or resentment, because you know that if you joined in the laughter you can't at the same time maintain the anxious energy that fuels the anger or fear? There is something about laughter that wants to multiply itself. There are websites and phone applications that do nothing more than provide the sound of people laughing. Isn’t it extremely difficult to go to one of the sites and press "play" without coming under the sway of laughter's mood-lightening power? Try it sometime. Laughter is contagious.

Laughter is unguarded. It takes a lot of energy to maintain seriousness. This is not to imply that we should not be serious, sober, and even sanctimonious at times. Our worlds are fraught with difficulty, challenge, complexity, and strenuous required effort on a daily basis. Quality work, complex solutions, perseverance, and performance often demand a kind of laser-focus that can be hard to associate with triviality, frivolousness, and play. However, if laughter is a functional part of our human capacity, doesn't it make sense that a healthy life will experience it with some degree of regularity? Does the capacity for hunger in the human system imply that eating to the point of satisfaction is a normal thing? When we laugh, we let go. It is not at all unusual for people who have been under tremendous stress and strain to be bent over sideways in uncontrollable laughter after a long time of duress and distraction that all consuming projects often require. A laugh here and there in the midst of high-demand projects and processes is almost like recess for the soul. Laughter is unguarded.

Laughter is medicinal. A report from the Mayo Clinic describes short-term and long-term benefits that occur to us when we laugh. In the short-term it stimulates organs, activates and relieve the stress response, and releases tension. The long-term effects: it improves the immune system, relieves pain, increases satisfaction, and enhances mood. Chronic illnesses, depression, and negative thought patterns experience a shift when laughter is what the doctor orders. Laughter is medicinal.

Laughter is right-sizing. G.K. Chesterton said in his book, Heretics, that "the secret of life lies in laughter and humility." Is not by accident this careful thinker linked a right view of ourselves and a right appreciation of the world and its complexity with laughter. We have heard others say things like: "of course I'm laughing at my circumstances, if I don't… I will cry." Laughter is available to us as a starting place when we admit we are not enough, that things really are twisted, that consequences have finally come home. Laughter can be the beginning of denial, a way of coping with the real facts, the starting place of surrender. Perhaps this is why the laughter of children can be so infectious, it reminds us of a time when we were carefree of responsibility and over-seriousness. Laughter is right-sizing.

Many things are possible as long as the laughter has not ceased completely. If it has, perhaps it's time to sit down with a mentor. Instead of meeting at the coffee shop this time and exploring some deep and ponderous disturbance within, maybe this time take a book of 'knock knock' jokes, a handshake buzzer, and finish up at a movie together, a comedy.

#protege #laugh