To the Mentor: One Bucket Ought'a Do It

He exuded confidence, comfort, and class. James, today, is a high-end Southern California real estate broker. But back then, he was a graduate student at the university where I taught. He was…well…um…unfinished.

Don't get me wrong, “unfinished” is not some politically correct way to slight him, to diminish him. Such an assessment would be the farthest from the truth. While such a thing might be said of some emerging leaders, in James’ case, I would mean the opposite. He had so much going for him that he sought a mentored conversation in his last couple of years of business school, just to sharpen his thinking.

He was smart, creative, funny, confident, talkative, handsome, talkative, resolute, and talkative. Did I mention…he was talkative? Again, I do not mean to imply that this was a negative thing. He truly was a gifted thinker and conversationalist. And on top of that, he was intrinsically interesting to me.

You see, James was working out his life philosophy. He was working out his business philosophy. He was working out his philosophy of relationships. I was working out his nine-iron swing.

What?! Yep. He figured if he was going to be good in business one day, he was going to need to be conversational while playing through 9-to-18 holes of golf (You may not like that part of his philosophy, but it doesn’t matter. He liked it. And I liked him.)

Now, I was lousy at golf. Still am. I was too busy to learn back in those days of graduate school, early marriage, early fatherhood, and early career. Years have gone by, and I still seem to be too busy for golf. Yet, we decided to make golf the centerpiece of our mentoring relationship. We did this because I agreed with his potential as an emerging commercial success. I could envision this bed-headed, intermittently-shaven, blue jean and sneaker-wearing frat boy one day donning salon-coifed haircuts, Palm Beach golf shirts, and buffed tasseled loafers as his business uniform. With these, he would need a credible golf game to match, the sales game that would be part of his stock and trade, and since we were both busy, and both lousy at golf, we decided the mentoring meeting place would be our neighborhood driving range.

A driving range looks something like a well-manicured baseball field surrounded by 100-high fishnets. But instead of having the batter's box at one end, it has a phalanx of 25-30 AstroTurf patches from which earnest golfers line up side-by-side and launch a barrage of golf balls, like a popcorn machine with no lid. For a few bucks, pros and amateurs, rent a bucket of 50 or 100 balls, proceed to one of these "tees," and either work off or work up their frustration levels. Some even improve their golf games.

It is unclear whether James and I improved our golfing much, but we did enjoy life-shaping conversations. I was privileged to overhear his description of his dreamscape in which he would take the world by storm. My job, as mentor, was to empty the bucket and pour fuel on the leader. James was so refreshing because he was consistently fired up in his imagination and alertness.

Somehow, not sitting across from him face-to-face (as I do with so many), but instead side-by-side with little but a ball littered green lawn and a sun-kissed blue sky—markers signaling 200, 300, 350 yards—was fitting for the nature of this mentoring conversation. Each stroke was an act of refinement toward a life with goals, a life requiring refined skills and a life that came close to par. Hitting these practice tees, week after week, keeping body engaged even while engaging our developmental relationship, was the right setting for this kind of protégé.

Today, James is a high-end realtor in Southern California. He called me last year to tell me he and his wife were being featured on the Today Show, for an innovative approach to family and business for which they had become known.

I was not surprised.

If James becomes the governor of California, I will not be surprised.

Mentors, read your protégés well. Not only do they need improving conversations, they need confirming conversations. The golf game was not on the menu at the graduate business school where he studied but business training was on the menu every time we emptied a bucket. If your protégé is destined to become a history professor, meet on a battlefield. If your protégé is to be a pilot, meet at the airport lounge. If she is to become a pastor, meet at cathedrals, visit a friend in hospital, or walk in cemeteries. Don't just do coffee because it’s easy. Affirm their destiny by painting on the canvas of professional contexts in which they will one day inhabit.

Where should YOUR protégés' mentoring conversations take place?

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