To the Mentor: Focus 2:28

I have a friend who likes to talk. And I mean talk…about anything…endlessly…and in all directions. You have that friend too, right?

Friendship is one thing. The mentoring relationship, while it is not unfriendly, is not initiated to be a friendship firstly. It is a developmental relationship, one with high degrees of intentionality, expectation, and design. While mentoring might produce a friendship, that is not the initial and energizing principal. Intentionality is the secret of mentoring's charm.

So, whenever I meet with protégés, I keep a simple ratio in my mind. I spend the first 2 minutes of any gathering establishing the focus so the next 28 minutes of the half hour meeting is reserved for pursuing “the heart of the matter” with a higher degree of clarity. If the meeting is an hour, or two hours, or six days, I find two minutes of reflection is often sufficient to set a trajectory that can go on for a significant period of time.

Think about the possibilities in this: conversations on purpose! Have you ever been in a conversation, which seems to wander, that seems aimless, endless? I encourage mentors to become hosts of the conversations to which they are a party. It does not matter to me whether they are in charge of the meeting or the team or the organization. I encourage mentors to watch over the aimlessness that happens in most of human communication. And if possible, I encourage them to leverage their insight into clarity by insisting on focused conversations. This is easier than it might appear.

Simply by asking questions, the kinds that help people clarify what they are seeking to do in their own minds, or seeking to do collaboratively, is the best method. It isn’t too much to ask. I am amazed at how many people thank me for asking them to sit quietly for 2 minutes and reduce all of their emotionality, all of their anticipation, all of the confusion, all the questions down to a single word, or a single question.

Whenever I am in customer service type role or the appointment is arranged by email, I communicate in advance for the word or question that should come from the first 2 minutes. I don't ask for a response for my sake, but for theirs. If they have had to identify the single question or the single concept they want to pursue a week in advance, then they will have had an entire week to distill the matter. In most cases, the very act of distilling the primary issue has resolved most of what has been confusing or burdening.

So, the next time someone ambles into your work space or meeting spot ready to disgorge all that they know, all that they wish, or all that they feel, all that they fear, hold one hand up like a traffic cop and ask: “Could we take a couple of minutes to establish the point of our meeting? I would like to reserve the remaining 28 minutes attending to what's most important to you.” Prepare to be thanked and prepare to hear something that really, really matters.

#mentor #focus